Accept What Is, Let Go Of What Was

You’re far better off humbly accepting that things happen for a reason than trying in vain to change the unchangeable and despairing for a different ending.Dodinsky

Man walking at sunset

 

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Hardship Makes You Appreciate Life

You can’t really begin to appreciate life until it has knocked you down a few times. You can’t really begin to appreciate love until your heart has been broken. And you can’t really begin to appreciate happiness until you’ve known sadness. Once you’ve walked through these valleys, the view from the mountaintop is breathtaking.Susan Gale

Man walking at sunset

 

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

How To Decide When To Let Go

Are You Hanging On Too Long?

by Wendy Keller

Yesterday, my business consultant – a man whose wisdom I admire – suggested I simply stop trying to force something to work in my company. This “something” has worked a little bit, now and then, partially, with enormous effort, for almost no profit, for two years.

Now, I come from a long line of stubborn people. In my family, we will just keep chipping away at something until we force it to go our way.  But in the case of the business effort I was making, it was draining resources – energy, attention, money – and giving me close to nothing in return. I don’t believe in quitting, but in this case, that belief was hurting me.   DSC_03511

Is there something in your life that any rational, calm person would tell you to let go of?

The instant the consultant said that, I felt an incredible lightness and relief.  After two years, I’m free of the struggle and I feel GREAT! When I faced the truth squarely, I had to admit it just wasn’t working despite everything I had been trying.I remember I felt the same feeling once I’d finally made the decision to get a divorce.

I remember the same feeling when I let go of trying to control my daughter’s life choices after she turned 18.

In our culture, we encourage people to “tie a knot and hang on” and to stick with it.  That is useful advice in many situations.  But somewhere deep inside, we all know that sometimes, it’s smarter to let go and begin anew.

  • The career you hate that isn’t paying you what you deserve
  • The relationship that hasn’t worked for years
  • The doctor or therapist you’ve been seeing who isn’t helping you feel better
  • The small business that’s still struggling all these years later
  • The parents or children who cause you more misery than peace
  • The depressing place you’re living
  • The part of the country you live in
  • The amount of work it takes to keep up your lifestyle
  • Something else

“Don’t Quit!” is a great credo to live by.  But sometimes, we are so blinded by it that we can’t see the facts.  My consultant pointed out that perhaps in the future, when I have come up with a better way of marketing the business component I gave up, I might try it again. Or maybe I won’t.

Here are 5 questions to ask to help you decide if it’s time to quit or not:

  1. How much energy does this situation drain from me and my quality of life?
  2. Am I so lost in the drama of it that I can’t be rational anymore? (If so, get a qualified outsider’s perspective – and seriously evaluate their perspective!)
  3. Have I become so overwhelmed I’m not able to be clear about this or other parts of my life right now?
  4. Am I working a definite, focused plan toward the resolution of this matter? (And can you see measurable progress?)
  5. In my heart of hearts, do I believe things are getting better?

If something’s not working in your life, and you keep doing your very best to make it work, chances are your best isn’t good enough.  You need some allies, some support, some knowledge or perspective that you don’t have right now. Find a way to get help – a clergyperson, a therapist, a book, a workshop, something.  It isn’t fair to yourself or the people who love to you to struggle if there’s a way to fix things.

If you knew how to make it better, it would be by now.  Or at least improving visibly.

Only you can decide if you should keep struggling or let go, but get an objective perspective and then making the tough decision might be the best thing you can do for all concerned.  Be brave enough to let go.


wendy

Wendy Keller, author

Wendy Keller writes and speaks about healing, inner strength and surviving. People have applauded, thankful and blessed by her hourlong webinars. Join them here:  Stop Hurting and Start Healing

No Looking Back When I Am Done

When I give, it does not come with strings. I’m not keeping track of what you owe me. When I give, I choose to do so without ulterior motives. I give because I’m genuine. I give because I know what it’s like to be without. To long for and be ignored. To speak and not be heard. To care for and have nothing returned. When I give it’s because I get it. It’s because I know the value in what I have in my heart and I refuse to let the world stop me from sharing that. But when things start being taken for granted. When you no longer appreciate my sincerity. I won’t switch, I won’t get angry, and I won’t be spiteful. I’ll just get smart and I’ll change your role in my life. Because when I give, I’m all in. But when I’m done, there’s no looking back.Robert Hill Sr.

Man walking at sunset

 

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Stop Breaking Your Own Heart

Stop breaking your own heart by trying to make a relationship work that clearly isn’t meant to work. You can’t force someone to care about you. You can’t force someone to be loyal. You can’t force someone to be the person you need them to be. I’ll be real with you, sometimes the person you want most is the person you’re best without. You got to understand some things are meant to happen, but just not meant to be. Some things are meant to come in your life, just not meant to stay. Don’t lose yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken. You can’t get the relationship you need from someone who’s not ready to give it you. And I know it’s hard when your heart has labeled that person as someone you could spend forever with, but you just have to accept that they’re not that person anymore. And you might not understand WHY NOW, but I promise you your future will always bring understanding of why things didn’t work out. Don’t put your happiness on hold for someone who isn’t holding on to you. That broken thing you keep trying to put back together is keeping your life from that beautiful thing that’s waiting to be built. You deserve better.Trent Shelton

Man walking at sunset

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 40,775 other followers