Too Many Rules In One Day
By Christophe Fusaro
(Chris is a young police officer who started blogging–The Adventures of Captain Imperfecto–as a way to cope with the death of their twin daughters six years ago and the unexpected and very painful loss of his wife just this March of 2012 . He is left alone to raise two beautiful sons.) Join his Facebook page here.
The decision to get away for the day happened fast. I had set up rules of the house but the kids had other ideas. The thought of forty- eight hours of rule breaking and educating them on the rules over and over to reaffirm them, made my weekend uneasy.
“Okay guys, lets go get dressed we are going for a drive,” I announce.
The boys ignore me while they play with their cars in their own little world and their own little rules.
“Guys. Want to go bye-bye,” I said with a soft tone.
Like dogs hearing the dog food hit the bowl at dinner time, they jumped into action and mugged me while I sat on the couch.
“Now I got your attention, lets get dressed all of us,” I say because going for a drive in boxer shorts and diapers wasn’t going to fly.
I manage to get both boys dressed and in their carseats, boy am I getting better at this, and then I scurry about the house grabbing whatever I think we will need, just in case I decide will stay somewhere other then home, later that evening.
Sniff- Eh, will do
Sniff- oh no, nope
I throw what I can, mainly in the diaper bag, that I bought with a manly man appeal, and used a green friendly Wal-Mart bag for the rest of the clothes. There are rules when it comes to being eco-friendly to the environment. I shove what I can in the bag and I think to myself- boy do I need a nice duffle bag.
I jump in the van and seat belt myself in. I look over my shoulder at my boys.
“Everyone still strapped in?” I announce, “there are rules that say you have to wear those seat belts.”
With that final announcement, I drove down the road towards north bound I-95, a major east coast interstate, for our trip to the Orlando area. And of course on this two and half hour drive, I obeyed all the traffic rules that I am required to. Even as the other drivers in their cars around me broke them.
The boys were preoccupied by the DVD player, while I drove in an almost straight line with no idea where I was going. I was breaking the travel rules without having an itinerary, but who cares when it comes to road trips. You’re suppose to be spontaneous. On our journey, I decided that we would try and stay at a Walt Disney Resort.
I called up the customer relations, that booked Disney hotel rooms, and spoke to a nice lady and with classic Disney style made me feel good.
“Hi, I know you have rules when booking a reservation,” I said to Mindy the Disney representative, “however, I decided to make a last minute trip. Do you have a room available?”
And with a little Disney magic we had a room in a nice resort with a heavy toll to be paid. I was hoping it would be worth it.
After we settled in, I got the boys dressed for the pool. Before we arrived to the aquatic entertainment, I thought I better feed the boys even though there are rules that warn people about eating and swimming soon after.
“I know you guys will hardly eat but always obey the rules and wait for the food to digest before swimming,” I said to them, as if they had a clue what I was talking about. Hell even I don’t know why that is a rule.
After our quick meal it was time for some fun in the sun and enjoy some Disney magic in the pool. It was a beautiful late afternoon. The sky was a bright blue and the clear blue sky surrounded this piece of earth as if God himself had his arms around us. The sun was bright, but soft enough for the rays to gently touch our skin. The breeze was nice enough to fan the heat, that absorbed into our flesh and the people were friendly like you would hope to find in a perfect world. You couldn’t ask for a better day.
“Rules!” I hear a voice shout out of nowhere, shaking me out of nirvana.
“We have rules, sir.” I look around, as if it were a voice from the heavens chastising me.
I then spot a young lifeguard looking in my direction. I then look around to see if he was talking to me until finally I just yell out loud for the entire pool party to hear.
“ME!” as I point to myself with my index finger.
“Yes you,” the angry lifeguard proclaimed, “ You can not toss your kid in the pool, its against the rules and you sir, did it twice,” he said calling me out in the sea of many.
“Yes, you’re right I did toss my kids in the pool,” being the proud daddy that I am.
“Well, you can not throw them in the pool, we have rules observe them,” he said.
“Oh, I just see the rule that says, NO DIVING, which we didn’t do.” I told him stoically.
“Well sir, everyone has rules and so does Mickey Mouse, so no jumping, diving, kicking, hopping, skipping, flipping, using your shoulders as a spring board, cannon balls, jack knifes, tossing, grabbing or any function that entails throwing your kids”, he said in one breath.
I just stared at him and got out of the pool and went to my lounge chair.
“Sir, you don’t have to leave you know, just stating the rules,” he told me with a softer tone.
“No you’re right, you’re right,” I said. “I forgot to put on sun block. The rule is, you should use over SPF 50,” I said proudly displaying my tube of sun block that I applied to my kids prior to leaving the hotel room.
“Very good sir,” the lifeguard said, “Did you also know you should apply the sunblock a half hour before getting wet?”