How to Get Through Today

Written By WENDY KELLER

…even if it hurts

wendy

Wendy Keller, mother, author, survivor

It’s astonishing how many people right this minute are trying to cope with the fact that their heart is broken, they are deeply sad or depressed, or are managing traumatic things happening in their lives – yet they still need to function in their daily lives.

Maybe you’re one of them?

If so, this post is for you.

When I discovered that my only still-living child had decided to use drugs to try to cope with her pain after our house burned down, her dog died in the blaze, and her father got his second divorce, I felt like I’d been hit by a semi-truck and dragged for several miles.  I’d wake up too early, staring at the ceiling, tears gushing. I felt I was unable to get out of bed. Can you relate?

And yet, there were things I had to do.  Responsibilities I had on my shoulders.  Heavy expenses incurred from the treatment center I had sent her to against her will. It seemed impossible to function in that thick, overwhelming emotional fog, but yet, it wasn’t an option. I had to get it together.

Here are some things I’ve learned along the way that might help you function if you’re in that space right now:

1] Accept that life has cycles of joy and pain.

The Chinese book of wisdom, the “I-Ching”, points out that there are seasons in our lives just like in nature.

It’s really awful when you’re in a dark place, but recognize that this too shall pass.   Like Solomon wrote, “To everything there is a season…”  Take comfort in the fact that while you’re still breathing, things are changing.

2] Scrounge around for healthy comforts.

You know yourself best.  What makes you feel a little bit better?  Give it to yourself.

I’m not talking about drugs, alcohol, over-eating or over-sleeping or anything like that. Those are temporary fixes that come with more problems than solutions.  But call a friend who makes you laugh. If nature restores your broken spirit, take that hike.  If playing fetch with your dog makes you smile, take time to throw the ball or the stick. Now is when you have to pull out your own personal “feel good” strategies and give yourself permission (and time!) to apply as many as you can to your daily life. read-369040_1280

3] Stop yelling at yourself.

Just take a deep breath and tell that mean bully inside your head to leave you alone.

Yeah, maybe this situation IS wholly or partly your fault. Poor you. Tough luck.  The question isn’t who is to blame (which solves nothing) but “What can I do now?”  When you honestly ask that question instead of burn up your energy beating yourself up, you find things that cause you to get into action.  Action has a tendency to pull you out of the doldrums and into a better place. List proactive solutions…and start applying them.

There’s no magic wand that will suddenly make everything all better forever and ever.  Nobody really has that kind of life, no matter what you think from the outside.  We all just get different problems of different sizes and shapes throughout the course of our lifetime.  Don’t let this one you’re facing now hold you underwater any longer!

Please try the steps above and comment on this blog – What worked for you? What did you do?  How are you feeling now?


Wendy Keller writes about healing, inner strength and surviving. To read more of her wonderful essays on life, subscribe to her blog and join her webinars thave inspired hundreds:  Stop Hurting and Start Healing

Posted on March 27, 2015, in Reflections and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 36 Comments.

  1. Wow! What an awesome message, and very helpful too! All said here is true! I understand the need to stay neutral here. However, as a Christian, I first turn to God in prayer…not just when troubles arise, but daily, and I read the Bible for direction and comfort. Then…put all your suggestions into action. Thank you for this timely, important message! God bless you!

  2. Hajjmussah92@gmail.com

    Wow true story

  3. Sandra Lovelock

    This is so good and hits a nail on the head. Make sure you read where it say “read more” oxox

  4. Funny I should stumble across this when I was just thinking the same only a few minutes ago. I am going through a really awkward patch right now and am feeling very lonely and I just push myself through everyday, little motivation etc..I know it will pass but I am struggling with it. It helps when I read these posts. We are never truly alone. We all have our battles, everyone does. I think it’s also important not to feel like a victim or wallow in self pity, that spirals in a negative way and robs you of what energy you do have, even though it’s little. Proactiveness and fitness really helps me. I try to eat well, avoid alcohol because it takes me to dark places. Being outdoors, by the sea, writing, playing music, guitar, all these things do help but won’t take away that great void inside, they fill it in places but ultimately that lost feeling lingers, it takes time, time heals. There are no magic cures.
    Seasons in our life change like the seasons in the year:
    The snow will melt so flowers can bloom and welcome the sun before the moon; The dark will rise and leaves will fall, and snow returns to cover it all.

    I hope that anyone reading is comforted with the knowledge that you are not alone and that these difficult times will pass and you will have grown throughout your experience.

    Peace & Love. X

  5. Love the lines “The snow will melt so flowers can bloom and welcome the sun before the moon; The dark will rise and leaves will fall, and snow returns to cover it all”. Thanks for sharing Eva. Xx

  6. The secret to having it all… is knowing you already do

  7. How very true as you say that nobody has that kind of life no matter what we percieve from the outside…. we all have our demons to fight every day, in many different ways.

  8. Thank you for your inspirational comments. I am a cancer survivor, experiencing complications I had not expected. It was bad enough to have cancer and almost die from it, very tramatic. Severe short term physical complications added further injury. The worst of it however was the long term physical problems that may never go away and dealing with the drastic change in your lifestyle. Nothing is as it was before. I have been trying to move forward, beating myself up as you say. I think your thoughts may help me.

  9. Thank you for these but regardint number 2, Now is when you have to pull out your own personal “feel good” strategies and give yourself permission (and time!) to apply as many as you can to your daily life. Many people do not have any feel good strategies to cope with this. Perhaps the only thing that makes them feel hapyy IS drugs or alchohol etc. But since they do not know or were never taught any strategies then, they simply do not know how to dig themselves out of that whole.

  10. Thank you for uplifting quotes and it is true there is no magic wand to heal anything but many times trauma or pain in our lives are caused by the negativity of others rather than what we actually have or do. What should be the course of your action?

    Many times it is not the mean bully inside you speaks but it is negative people has done something bad to you then only that person speaks out the mean things happened to them.
    How do we deal with that negative people?

    There are people we walked away from them and don’t want to get back, no matter how many times you tell them that we don’t want them they not only listen but keep playing same drama over and over also causes stress in our life too. They also take away our opportunities to move on in our life. How do we stop them and move on in our life successfully with out them?

  11. The last few years have been a serious challenge and I can say that even with friends and family near by, I could not have felt more isolated and alone. I would get up in the wee hours of the night, step outside to flush the individuals who were in the yard harassing me and I would just stop. With a few breaths of cold, crisp night air and a glance up into the night sky, I would feel connected to a universe of good. Sometimes it’s a challenge to remember but pulling the lense back, can aide in a broader perspective. When bad things are happening we often tend to look at our life in great detail and it’s rarely productive… stepping way back to see the bigger picture gives you space to detach a bit, distance to see change and a knowing trust that things will get better.

  12. Awesome!! I always share with family and friends. It is helping me to help
    Myself and others.

    Thank you!!

    • That’s nice, but all my family and friends deserted me when I was diagnosed with uterine cancer. I am single with no children, and retired with no co-workers. I try to stay active, but my activity is just a small bandaid on a gaping wound.

      • I am sorry Ann that you feel alone. Look for a church, when you have God you’re never alone. You could look on facebook for support groups for people recovering/living with uterine cancer. You’re in my prayers. Be well and God Bless.

  13. Keep moving, one task at a time, no matter how small. The time is horrible. You can progress, just keep moving forward, and take care of yourself–eat, it is important!

  14. This was the perfect start to what I knew would be a challenging day. I made it through using some of these messages. I’m glad I this blog.

  15. nothing works for me… sadly it’s true.

  16. For me yesterday was just perfect and I hope today will be the same

  17. babsie61@mobileemail.vodafonesa.co.za

    So true
    Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom – let your email find you!

  18. Jeannie Agudelo

    This post made me feel good.Everyday i offer prayers to God and leave everything unto His mighty hands and i believe that reading a post like this is one way that God is showing me on how to cope on this difficult situation that I am in.

  19. Serendipity, just come to a complete dead end, your post caught my eye because that is exactly how I am feeling today. Thank you for your encouraging words and the advice about the inner critic.

  20. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with such clarity and positivity. As always inspiration shows up just when I needed it. I will work today, at pushing negativity aside in favor of remembering Joy.

  21. Thank you.. Wonderfully said and so encouraging..

  22. Praying is what helps me through… when I got down on my knees and prayed with tears in my eyes and broken heart, I’ve seen the power of God working in my live… I can feel his love xoxox

  23. marlon valdex xii

    i already read the book “i-ching”

  24. s.trimurthy vishal

    really saying …from my teen age onwards i have been suffering and heeling. these two terms have a hallmark in my life.i never turned back to realise
    where the fault was or why me? today when i stop and think, th eonly thing i realise is ” life is a flow” …with a destiny but donno where?..it carry with it everything but donno till when?..it has the support of underbed but donno what it is?…..it has lots of ups and down ..stones and clay..but it still moves on and on..just think if that flow stop and start thinking about its life then it will loose its own destiny and characteristics.it will be stagnant.
    thats how life is ..just “MOVE ON”.dont turn ….dont peep jjust enjoy ur present.who knows someone dearer to you now can be a overseas tomorrow.the thing for which u have the pride will be in some other hand.sp just chill and be crazy for ur present. live ur life as its ur only day. dont live for someone only for oneself and the one who made u one.

  25. really saying …from my teen age onwards i have been suffering and heeling. these two terms have a hallmark in my life.i never turned back to realise
    where the fault was or why me? today when i stop and think, th eonly thing i realise is ” life is a flow” …with a destiny but donno where?..it carry with it everything but donno till when?..it has the support of underbed but donno what it is?…..it has lots of ups and down ..stones and clay..but it still moves on and on..just think if that flow stop and start thinking about its life then it will loose its own destiny and characteristics.it will be stagnant.
    thats how life is ..just “MOVE ON”.dont turn ….dont peep jjust enjoy ur present.who knows someone dearer to you now can be a overseas tomorrow.the thing for which u have the pride will be in some other hand.sp just chill and be crazy for ur present. live ur life as its ur only day. dont live for someone only for oneself and the one who made u one.

  26. it helped me so much to read all these posts today. I’m divorced and lost my job and am depressed. I’m lonely. My children stay busy. My faith helps keep me going. There’s bound to be a reason all this has happened. God must have plans for me. Right now I don’t see them. I’m sad.

  27. LaNee Brewster

    This is an important reminder to give myself a break! To remember that things don’t always stay the same. I can appreciate more because of what I’ve gone through. I look forward to a happier, less stressful time too! Thanks

  28. I found focus on present day helps. That way don’t seem like so many days to tackle!!

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