10 things that changed in my life after my parents died


We can say that the parent-child relationship is one those relationships that we take for granted for it is a given fact that our parents will be constantly there for us. This relationship shows unconditional love that knows no boundaries.

father-1633655_1920Pixabay | ambermb

Relationship and life coach Lisa Schmidt lost her parents and wrote a blog about the experience and how the death of her parents had an effect on her everyday life. However, aside from the grief and loss, Lisa also chronicled the positive things that happened after parents’ death.

These are Lisa’s words:

“I don’t think there is anything that can prepare you to lose a parent. It is a larger blow in adulthood I believe, because you are at the point where you are actually friends with your mother or father. Their wisdom has finally sunk in and you know that all of the shit you rolled your eyes at as a teenager really was done out of love and probably saved your life a time or two.

I lost both of mine two years apart; my mother much unexpected and my father rather quickly after a cancer diagnosis. My mom was the one person who could see into my soul and could call me out in the most effective way. She taught me what humanity, empathy and generosity means. My father was the sarcastic realist in the house and one of the most forgiving people I have ever met. If you wanted it straight, with zero bullshit; just go ask my dad.

umbrella-2603983_1920Pixabay | Engin_Akyurt

Grief runs its course and it comes in stages, but I was not prepared for it to never fully go away.

1. My phone is never more than 1 foot away from me at bedtime, because the last time I did that I missed the call that my mother died.

2. The very thought of my mother’s death, at times, made me physically ill for about six months after she died. I literally vomited.

3. Their deaths have at times ripped the remainder of our family apart. I did my best to honor their wishes and sometimes that made me the bad guy. The burden of that was immense, but I understood why I was chosen. It made me stronger as a person, so for that I am grateful.

4. I’m pissed that my son didn’t get to experience them as grandparents. I watched it five times before his birth and I feel robbed. He would have adored them and they him.

5. I would not trade my time with them for anything, but sometimes I think it would have been easier had you died when I was very young. The memories would be less.

sad-505857_1920Pixabay | Free-Photos

6. Don’t bitch about your parents in front of me. You will get an earful about gratitude and appreciation. As a “Dead Parents Club” member, I would take your place in a heartbeat, so shut your mouth. Get some perspective on how truly fleeting life is.

7. It’s like being a widow — a “club” you never wanted to join. Where do I return this unwanted membership, please?

8. Other club members are really the only people who can truly understand what it does to a person. They just get it. There is no other way to explain it.

9. Life does go on, but there will be times even years later, you will still break down like it happened yesterday.

10. When you see your friends or even strangers with their mom or dad, you will sometimes be jealous. Envious of the lunch date they have. Downright pissed that your mom can’t plan your baby shower. Big life events are never ever the same again.”

Lisa Schmidt is a Dating and Relationship coach in Detroit and the author of her own blog. She streams regularly on Periscope and is contributor for several online publications.

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19 Replies to “10 things that changed in my life after my parents died”

  1. I now know how you feel, my dad just passed away last month o n April 20th 2018 an my mom passed eight months prior on August 19, 2017. High school sweethearts and married over 60+years. I feel like I lost a part of me forever and will never be the same again. 💔

  2. It is a void that will never go away.. Just lost my Mom 5 months ago today and my Dad 5 years ago in July.. I feel like the rug was ripped out from underneath me.. they were my safety net and my lighthouse… It leaves such an empty feeling.. for me, neither one should have died as early as they did (Dad 72 and Mom 77) that is still young… both deaths were preventable.. and for that I will be forever sad about. Hug your Parents, love them.. once they are gone, there is nothing that can replace that love. thanks for the article… helps to know others are in the same zone.

  3. Indeed, the one who is bearing that pain will only understand what it feels like.. my life has changed since then..n i only know what it feels like. It is very easy to say move on..bit for me losing my fiancee is nt jst an easy go..iv lost my part..lost my dreamss..lost my strength.. can nvr b the same again. .

  4. So true I’m a only child and I lived with my parents despite being married with children. My father died in 2008 and my mother in 2010.My father’s death was almost abrupt after a brain hemorrhage he lived for a month. My mother’s was unexpected after being unable to walk thinking it was arthritis turns out it was thyroid cancer that spread. After a operation which promised to restore her mobility she literally declined before our very eyes and was never the same. Nothing prepares you to be a caretaker to a dying parent. The feedings, the bathings, the changings are barely tolerable but add the gut wrenching cries of pain on top of that and that fact that she was no longer able to communicate made things even worse. My mother lived 4months after her operation. Not a day goes by I don’t think after them I lost my priotector and the only man I can rely on with my father and my mother I lost my best friend. No one has ever come close to that role. I feel cheated when I see others who have both parents or had their mother longer after their father’s death. Plus my parents died fairly young 68 & 69. On top of my other problems I’m dealing with I deal with this grief that is with me .

  5. I miss my parents every day. Its hard when special days come along and its really spotlights they are gone. To top things off all of my siblings are gone too making me the last one standing. I can tell you it sucks! Im glad I have my husbands and daughters but somehow its not the same.

  6. So true. Lost my parents 9 months apart. Very jealous of others with mothers,and can not stand negative talk about someones parents. Thanks for the article

  7. Such a lovely post…mirrors my own experience (including being from the Detroit area!). My parents died two years apart almost 40 years ago when I was not yet 30. My son’s never met them, yet I did my best to acquaint them with what wonderful people they were. I have always been sad that my parents never got to see their grandsons. My older son died just under two years ago, and I like to think that they were there to meet him. Life changes so fast…and those for whom this has never happened will not understand until it does. That’s okay.

  8. My parents meet and married 6 days later. Married 57 years, died 4 days apart. The lost both unexpected has changed me, I’ll never be the same again.

  9. So very true. Lost my parents 3 years apart. 28 and 25 years and I miss them every minute of every day.

  10. I completely agree lost both parents a sister and a brother nothing prepares you ever but life does go on and I know they are proud of me. Thank you

  11. So true. My mom and I were best friends. My dad was the strong silent man. Six months passed between their deaths. Eighteen years have passed,the hurt. Is still there. When you have children you hope that they will experience the same but when it doesn’t happen the hurt is worse.

  12. Thanks, every word is so true, it helps to know that you are not alone with such feelings, THANK YOU !!!

  13. I lost my parents 5 weeks apart just after I turned 21. 30 years of living without them and all the things that happen in life. Sadly my Husband became a member of “the club” a few years ago. Thankfully my kids did get to know his parents. Thanks for the lovely article

  14. It’s so very true. The spouses who’ve lost their partners and listen to people gripe about their husbands/wives; those who’ve lost children and listen to people talk about the neverending problems of parenthood; and those with the loss of parents and listening to those who complain about their mothers and fathers: it’s a special heartbreak.
    Thank you for touching on this very delicate subject.

    1. I lost my fiancee in a road accident on 19th march..Since then i am living my life like a soul without life.Nothing seems excited, life seems hopeless and burden. I am trying to accept the fact but my heart is not allowing me. Negativity has stuck in so hard..i miss him all the time..

      1. Anjie, I’m so sorry. I can now honestly say I know your pain. My husband of 34 years past on valintines day this year. We fought a medical battle with his heart for 3 years and honestly thought we won. God had other plans. So I just want you to know your not alone. I started writing to him daily ,telling him memories and how my day is.. it helps. Take care.

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